It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I want is dick and wine.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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