So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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