i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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