Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
