in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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