If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
