I want to have your abortion
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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