I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
