I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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