It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
