They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
