I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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