never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
