i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
