My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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