I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
