Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MIDGETS
????
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
