After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
