I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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