How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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