No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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