oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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