do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
