He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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