so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
