the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
