I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
