are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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