She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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