She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
