From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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