u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
4 words: hood of his car
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
