I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
