i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
