I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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