My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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