happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
