i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love you. Go after that dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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