how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
