if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
