Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
