I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
