You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
