Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
