dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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