Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
