Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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