Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
