Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the day after is always just damage control
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
