I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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