You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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