Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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