i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
