That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
